you love me when you don’t confide in me?

Then Delilah pouted, “How can you say you love me when you don’t confide in me?

 you love me when you don’t confide in me? 



Samson was God’s chosen man, but he had a penchant for ungodly women. He was destined from birth to play a vital role in liberating the Israelites from the rule of the Philistines. God endowed him with supernatural physical strength and cautioned his parents that he was never to cut his hair, the secret to his strength. Samson engaged in many exploits that displayed his awesome muscle power; his enemies did not stand a chance against him. Then he fell in love with a greedy, conniving Philistine woman named Delilah. After many attempts using the age-old, guilt-inducing “if you love me, you would…” argument, she manipulated 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue 5/30/07 1:04 PM Page 21 Samson into telling her the secret to his great strength. Then, for financial gain, she betrayed his trust and revealed the mystery to his enemies. They promptly shaved his head and he became as weak as any other man. Having subdued him, they gouged out his eyes, bound him with chains, and forced him to grind in the prison. A broken and powerless man, Samson never regained his former glory. One day during an event in which the Philistines were making sport of him, he stood between two temple pillars, prayed for one last infusion of supernatural strength, and literally brought the house down The collapsing structure killed him and more than 3000 spectators and government officials. This was the tragic end of a strong man who was weakened by a manipulative woman. Manipulation can destroy not only a relationship but also a person’s life. Today many men suffer from what I call “Delilahphobia,” the fear of disclosing their vulnerabilities. They have decided it is much safer to keep their weaknesses to themselves, rather than having the opposite sex use this sacred knowledge against them. Of course, their fear prevents them from achieving real intimacy with the opposite sex. It is critical that neither man nor woman should ever mention in a 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue 5/30/07 1:04 PM Page 22 manipulative or retaliatory way their entrusted knowledge of the personal fears and weaknesses of another. Manipulation is a crafty use of the tongue and a self-perpetuating vice. Once manipulators find that their craftiness helps them to achieve their objectives, they become proud of their “smooth operating” skills. They will use all kinds of indirect tactics ranging from “guilt trips” to portraying themselves as innocent, suffering victims of various circumstances. They may even start to enjoy their ability to influence others in such a manner. Why, I have heard men boast, “I can get a woman to do anything!” While manipulators are subtle and make every attempt to cloak their self-serving motives, they often forget that many people are very discerning and have a keen sensitivity to such insincerity. Further, manipulators lose all credibility once people become aware of their propensity to engage in such behavior. People will suspect that they always have ulterior motives and will avoid them like the plague. Some people are bold enough to confront manipulators and to call their motives into question. Jesus did so when His enemies sent spies to Him posing as sincere religious people. The spies were to manipulate Him into speaking against the Roman Day 3—The Manipulating Tongue 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue 5/30/07 1:04 PM Page 23 government. They attempted to flatter Him by complimenting His integrity and His impartiality. Then they asked the question they thought would surely be self-incriminating and land Him in jail: “‘Is it lawful for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?’ But He perceived their craftiness, and said to them,‘Why do you test Me?’. He proceeded to explain that they should give to Caesar, the Roman emperor, whatever belonged to him and to give to God what was due to Him. He refused to be a victim of their manipulation. Further, we never read of Jesus manipulating anybody. He always offered everyone a better way of life but accepted their decision to pursue another option even when it was not in their best interest. It would behoove us to emulate Him in this regard. Manipulation is deceptive and attempts to take away a person’s freewill choice. God’s children must not practice nor tolerate such behavior.



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